Boundaries and Energy Vampires

 

I’ve been experiencing some vampiric energy of late from several people. One individual in question is silly and somewhat hypomanic, inappropriate and down right irritating. The energy from this person is frenetic and just when it seems that our vampire is beginning to track well, it all goes sideways and the vamp begins circling the drain, offending everyone else in the process. Opinions abound, mostly condescending in nature as the vamp tries to pull people in to no avail.

The others are controlling to the point of obstruction, involving me in an ongoing situation of their own making having nothing to do with me, but affecting me nonetheless. And each seems shocked that I’m aware of what they’re doing, adults behaving on the level of spoiled children. It’s called being an asshole, yet each one is so wrapped up in their own agenda that they can’t see the forest for the trees.

Such is the life of an energy vampire. Some are intentional about it, apparently liking the power they derive from whatever game they play. I remember a guy I used to do business with who was like this. He would come in our shop, trying to get my busy husband’s attention, only so that he could explain how he knows more than my husband does. Never mind he would make a complete fool of himself in the process. One day, he actually became fussy when my husband didn’t acknowledge him when he walked in, dealing with his hurt feelings by becoming rude and insulting to me. My husband was doing something called working, something that evidently escaped this guy, and didn’t notice that he walked in. But still, it illustrates the self-centered nature of the energy vampire.

Typically an energy vampire is someone who is both needy and a complete stranger. They may have loose boundaries, but they’re usually just someone who needs a friend to listen to them. Even so, it can be difficult to extricate yourself from them because they tend to latch on at the most unexpected and inopportune times. I never want to hurt their feelings, so I engage longer than I should. But if I can help them feel better then it’s worth spending that time with them.

Lacking insight into their behavior, energy vampires are their own worst enemy. There’s always a purpose or a justification for what they’re doing. Even when it’s not simply a needy person with boundary issues, life does tend to be all about the energy vampire. There’s no room for anyone else in the equation. They’re pushy and many are unaware of their impact on others. I’ve had energy vampires friend and unfriend me on various social media platforms. Then after unfriending me, they’ll friend me again. Again, their energy is frenetic and even when they make sense, I still end up asking, so what was that all about? It’s like ADHD on overdrive.

Some energy vampires are passive-aggressive and when they are, they’re impossible to deal with. I run the other way when I feel one heading my way. Dealing with passive-aggressive people is difficult enough, but when they’re full-blown energy vampires, I just can’t do it. I end up wanting to scream at them which solves nothing. But their power trip is so involved that conversations are impossible because only their viewpoint is valid. They’re unable to allow for other opinions or beliefs and they won’t let up until they have the last condescending word.

When a vampire comes near, it’s like a mass of energy that hovers around me. Typically it’s wispy and dark feeling as if it has tendrils that feel their way around me. It’s the same way each time I experience it. It feels sticky as if I’m coated with something. It’s uncomfortable and I’m easily overwhelmed if I don’t remain aligned. I’ve found that if I make eye contact with them, I have a much harder time of getting away from them, so I tend not to look most people in the eye anymore unless I know them well.

Some may take exception to me calling these folks vampires. I understand that it sounds judge-y. But this is how empaths experience people like this, so the expression was coined and it resonated with empaths everywhere. They descend on us, their energy enveloping, penetrating and uncomfortable, hence the name vampire. Their energy is outwardly focused in an intense manner. Because empaths feel everything, the pushiness is just too much to experience.

That’s where I find myself with the hypomanic vampire I’ve been dealing with. It’s just too much to experience. I don’t deal well with a lack of impulse control in anyone. Mostly I want to clothes-line them, but as a black belt, I’m supposed to have more control than that. So instead, I walk away, glad for the respite. As for the others, it’s why I have two locked gates, eight-foot tall fencing and numerous No Trespassing signs. Sometimes the optics are enough to keep them at bay.

I guess the Crone in me is weary of experiencing this stuff. So I leave more situations than I remain in these days. Peace and calm have become more important than experiencing chaos. I’d rather garden and spend time with my bees. No agenda there. Only blessings and love.

Blessed Be

~ Jan